


Memories

by womeninthesequel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Canon Compliant, Coma, F/M, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, which is it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 08:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15837984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womeninthesequel/pseuds/womeninthesequel
Summary: Visions all knock at once on the door of her memory, demanding to be heard over the others. She doesn’t know which ones are true and which ones her mind made up to fill in the gaps.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PetalsToFish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToFish/gifts).



> For Petals, in honor of her birthday! Here’s to another year of Taylor Swift references, Jily AUs, and being a dolphin princess.

Sometimes, she remembers a jigsaw puzzle castle and rolling grounds. There’s a smooth lake and ceiling that looks like the sky. In an instant, things repair themselves with little pieces flying together again and food appears on long tables. There are crackling fires and squishy armchairs that fit two people, if they’re willing to be very close.

Other times, she remembers a little flat with too many football jerseys on one side of the closet. Rooms light up with the flick of a switch and small flames on the stove top help to boil water for dinner. There’s a couch in the middle of the living room, where it’s always more fun to sit on someone’s lap rather than on the other side. 

Now, she thinks she can only remember the feel of starchy sheets against her skin. The air smells like disinfectant or other mysterious fumes. Soft voices murmur somewhere around her, but she can’t figure out what any of them are saying. 

Occasionally, it feels like she could sit up or even just open her eyes. Her brain convinces her that it’s as easy as that until the moment she tries. When she determinedly gathers her strength and is about to move, everything goes fuzzy on the edges again. Thoughts are too heavy.

She mentally falls back, wondering if anyone notices her attempt at movement.

-

The sun shined off the dark surface of the lake. Pockets of teenagers dotted the edge of the water and the coveted spots in comfortable shade. Luckily, summer storms held off for a few more hours while students casually enjoyed the time outside. 

The lazy, post-exam feeling was tangible in the air. It made everyone more relaxed than they were only days ago. With no tests or essays in front of them until the next term, they all had some free time to just be together.

A boy with wild hair stood in shallow water near the edge, arms wrapped around the smaller frame of a girl with bright red locks. 

“You said you’d rather go out with the squid, Evans! I’m just introducing you!”

The small group on the nearby grass called out a variety of responses, ranging from teasing to annoyance to offers of assistance. 

“Come on, Evans, you can do better than that!”

“Throw her in, Prongs!”

“Snog already!”

The girl - herself, she realizes a moment too late - giggled and struggled playfully against his hold. 

He made another move to dunk them underneath the surface. Quickly, she sidestepped and attempted to wriggle out of his grasp. A renewed grip on her waist made her laugh loudly. His fingers tickled her sides and caused her to splash, covering them in scattered droplets. 

Finally, she wriggled away enough to push him back into the water. He grabbed her wrist at the last second and pulled her down with him. Surprised, she lost her balance and ended up on top of him. Fortunately, the sand was soft and the water was low enough that he only had to prop himself up on his elbow.

In that moment, the reality of the next day’s train ride and the weeks away felt real and imminent. 

Unhurried, she brushed back his wet hair and straightened his glasses. Fingers lingered on his jawline for a few seconds. He traced the smattering of freckles across her nose with his eyes before meeting hers. When their eyes met, he threw her a familiar grin, as if laying in the water with her on top of him was something he fully expected.

Though her voice got low and serious, her eyes still sparkled. “You’ll write, yeah?” she asked, softly enough that no one else could hear.

“Of course,” he answered sincerely. 

She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his. His hand moved from her wrist to her waist, holding her more surely. He smelled like grass and sunshine, and she closed her eyes to memorize it. She felt him relax beneath her and sigh. 

Before either of them could move, a torrent of water came from the sky. Coughing, they untangled their legs and tried to recover their breath.

A boy with flint eyes and rolled sleeves stood above them, wand in hand. “Cool down, lovebirds,” he taunted, though a good-natured smile threatened to show itself by the corner of his mouth, “There are firsties around.”

-

She wasn’t in one of her better moods, but she was trying her best to not whine too much. Of course, her sister would barely give her notice of her arrival, and, of course, she had to scramble to perform so her older sibling didn’t have even more of a reason to think she couldn’t function normally.

Unbelievable, she thought, although she should have seen it coming. Her sister was quiet for too long. She could already hear the echoes of past complaints and potential future ones repeating in her head. Comments about their flat, gripes about the trip, and snide remarks about everything in between. Her sister obviously took great pleasure in going out of her way to make her life miserable. 

As soon as she got off the phone, after hearing the news of their impending visitors, she practically jumped into the car. Every second staring at the phone for a second closer to her sister and her fiancé walking through the door.

With an easy smile, he appeared in the front seat beside her. “You know, Evans, I said you didn’t have to face her alone anymore.” 

Another time, she might have found it the right amount of charming, but now there was no time to lose. Determinedly, she commanded, “Let’s go.” 

He knew it was serious, since he drove to the grocery store as fast as the pedal and (most) traffic laws would allow. If nothing else, they would have a dinner that could leave no one unimpressed. 

She was filled with some kind of dread when she walked in past the automatic door and retrieved a cart. He trailed diligently after her, surveying the hasty list she scribbled during the ride. Nudging her shoulder gently, he directed her toward the right sections and kept her on track.

As she agonized over which cut of steak to buy, it became more and more difficult to tune out the shoes scuffing on the floor next to her. Her sister always brought out the worst in her, and she could already feel the pressure balloon in her chest trying to burst. 

Mouth drawn, she looked over, ready to snap.

His whole body was moving to the song she didn’t realize was playing until his shuffling and silent karaoke brought her attention to it. His hips swayed and hands reacted in time with shake, shake, shake. Looking directly at her, he made a heart with his hands and demonstrated the break, break, break.

Instead of a sharp retort, a laugh bubbled out of her. 

Whatever her sister had to say about her degree or job or boyfriend didn’t matter. This person cared about her happiness. Dancing in the back of the store was more important than impressing someone who would never admit it, even if it did happen.

Without hesitation, she turned away from the refrigerator and joined in with the lip sync to never miss a beat and be lightning on her feet.

-

She feels something - someone, she corrects herself tiredly - squeeze her hand. 

There’s no pattern to it. The pressure of someone’s hand against hers is usually there. She swears that she can hear the steady rhythm of someone breathing beside her. Alert, like they’re paying attention to everything. The cadence that comes with sleep. The occasional outtake of breath that means they’re tired or frustrated or impatient. 

She doesn’t know how, but she’s sure that someone is there, even when she’s not sure that she is. 

But, sometimes, that other presence will hold more tightly, just for a second. A brush of something against her forehead. A soothing movement against her hair and cheek. It’s a series of small comforts, but she craves them. She doesn’t remember wanting anything else as much. Except wanting to see whoever it is, maybe.

She wants to let them know she can feel it. She wants them to know that just the fact that someone is there makes things a little easier. Unfortunately, thinking too hard or opening her eyes feels like an impossible task. Everything is heavy. 

“Lily...”

That’s a sound she hears often enough, one of the only ones that consistently forms into something resembling a word. Close to her ear, whispered above her somewhere, said in a long breath, or after a catch in the throat. She doesn’t know what it means, but it fills her chest with warmth. It sounds like snuggling under a blanket in front of the fire and picking marshmallows out of her hot chocolate. It’s so dark, but that voice is a pinprick of light, floating in front of her.

She manages to squeeze back.

-

They both leaned against the wall, practically lounging in place. It was a routine watch, nothing exciting. Someone was there because they were instructed to be, and they offered to take the assignment, even if no one really expected anything out of the ordinary to happen.

“Alright, Evans?”

The check in broke her out of her thoughts. She twirled her wand absently, looking over at the person next to her. Tilting her chin up, she seemed to consider him for a moment. “Potter, are you planning to make an honest woman out of me?”

Ducking his head, he ran a hand through his hair and grinned. The usual look of confidence was there, but she could see the suggestion of shyness that managed to always bring her closer to him. She shifted in place, her arm resting against his. “I might be,” he answered with a noncommittal shrug.

Without permission, her heart contracted affectionately. She moved onto her toes, ready to distract him temporarily from the mission at hand. He looked up to meet her eyes, and his fingers caught the edge of her sleeve. With a soft smile, she moved forward.

Until she heard it. The unmistakable crackle of a curse flying through the air. 

Instantly, she whipped around, wand drawn. 

Her pulse pounded in her ears. One hand darted to his arm, holding him back. She froze and refused to move. After a few long moments of silence, her shoulders hurt from the tension of holding the same position. Not intending to be caught off guard, her fingers tightened around her wand. In a fit of bravery, she dared to look around the corner.

A reactionary shield on her part kept the curse from hitting its mark. She flicked her wrist, causing the enemy’s light to ricochete into the night. The number of calls from the other side communicated quickly that they were outnumbered. 

Letting go of his arm but keeping him in her periphery, she launched a hex of her own. Instinct took over. She just hoped hers would do the part of keeping her alive long enough to get out of there. She heard him make a sound a few feet away from her, and her gaze immediately went to find him.

In a flash of color she didn’t have time to recognize, everything went dark.

-

The music on the radio played quietly, giving them steady background noise whenever the conversation halted. It’s never uncomfortable, though. Just the silence of two people who are fine with talking or allowing the moment to sit. The piano of the last track on the album gave a good soundtrack to her wandering thoughts.

She tapped the button by her side to open the window slightly, letting the wind stream through her loose hair. His eyes were intent on the road while hers drifted out of the window to catch the passing scenes. Between them, his fingers laced with hers, resting over the gear shift.

Without realizing it, she ran her thumb over the inside of the band on her finger. It was still new, and she was not quite used to wearing it yet. The feeling of the metal against her fingerprint gave her a mild thrill. When looking over at him, her smile caught his attention. He glanced away from the road and flashed her a trademark grin of his own, as if he knew what she was thinking about at that moment.

Nothing felt rushed or urgent, not even in retrospect. There was no reason to worry or try to fit everything in at once, because it was a day like any other. An errand, a trip to the movies, a highway drive to nowhere to get their minds off anything weighing on them. A million other places they could go. Anything feels possible.

“So, Sirius is going on and on, and we can’t manage to calm him down long enough to find out what it’s actually about,” he explained, in the middle of a story. She loved hearing him talk about random things in their shared life, little moments that only meant anything because they knew every person involved. 

She laughed, clearly picturing the way her friend’s voice speeds up when he doesn’t feel like he has time to say everything. She could picture another friend’s frustrated expression at failing to figure out what’s happening and the barely contained chuckles of the person sitting next to her at the whole situation.

Without warning, there was a crash. The sound of a thousand things breaking at the same time. The song cutting abruptly. Familiar scenery replaced with impenetrable blackness. Pain shooting through every part of her that she can feel. The jerk of his hand being torn from hers.

-

Breath enters her lungs suddenly, making her gasp. 

She struggles for a moment, trying to deal with the flood of information from her senses. A floral scent from somewhere beside her. The sour taste in her mouth from forgetting her brush her teeth before going to sleep. A dull ache across her forehead. Bursts of moving color behind her eyelids. 

After a period of the same flat things over and over again, it’s overwhelming.

Visions all knock at once on the door of her memory, demanding to be heard over the others. She doesn’t know which ones are true and which ones her mind made up to fill in the gaps. The din in her head is so loud that she wonders if anyone else can hear it. 

She needs help to wade through it all. Maybe now, when everything feels more real than it has in a long time, she has the energy to do what she has been trying to do all this time.

With so little effort that she wonders how it possibly took her this long, she opens her eyes. Quickly, they dart around to find her constant companion. His posture marks him as clearly at attention and on the edge of his seat. His expression is open, displaying the conflicting feelings of elation, worry, hope, and fear. 

Amidst the whirlwind in her brain, she’s found her calm. She manages a smile. Something in his face breaks suddenly, in a good way, prompting him to dip closer to her. Nothing can stop him and only him from taking over all of her senses. 

“Lily,” he says, as if the name contains the answers to everything he’ll ever ask.

He practically glows. The comforting smell of him surrounds her. She wants to reach out and touch him, taste him, remember him. The hand in hers does the job of proving that he’s real, but she wants every part of him desperately.

Everything is turned upside down and shattered, but she knows one thing for certain.

In all of the memories, his eyes are the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at women-inthe-sequel!


End file.
